Geek in a wedding

I am… I am a geek and I am bad at social dealings. I am shy, overweight and awkwardly funny person i.e. a stereotyped geek. If somebody would ask me what I would do for fun if I had all the money in the world, I would say nothing, probably lie in bed and listen to Pink Floyd. I think that would be all to describe me THE GEEK. I am not very fond of weddings and other social functions but I am forced to attend them anyway. So I would like to share my experiences with you.  

I go to weddings for just two things, “candies” for my stomach and eyes. Both these things have a lot of difference. Exploit the real candy as you want i.e. see it, smell it and eat it, BUT eye candies should be cautiously judged to prevent some severe heart attack for two reasons:
1. You don’t know what ‘thing’ she would look like when she puts her makeup down (heart attack by shock). Statistically saying the amount of makeup paint spent by all the girls for a single wedding (if combined) can easily paint my room. Well to conclude sometimes it is good to live in a lie as it is said, “Ignorance is bliss”. (I know after making this point my chances of getting a girlfriend may abate that’s why the identity of geek is kept secret).

2. You do not know by what relation she could become your sister and you will be forced to call her DIDI.

Food is the ultimate fascination for me in these parties, everything else is mostly useless (including face painted girls). I have this strategy to at least cover all the food items before leaving. I start with snacks and have at least one piece of everything, for chaat and main course I always have a company with me so that I can save the space for dessert. For desserts I need no one. I am a sugar freak. Sometimes I think my ideal death would be by diabetes or high cholesterol level.  

I must say it was really hard to go to weddings before I got placed because placement was the second thing people used to ask (after my year). It used to pinch me inside. Now when I am placed I can always throw the JOB card to turn things my way. Anyway, parents will never stop making us meet their friends. “Meet my son GEEK, he is placed in GEEKish company (with pride)”. Then starts the awkward conversation and believe me it is one of the most difficult task to get away from the aunties. They just do not leave you even if you both have nothing to talk about. You just want to say, sorry I am not interested in you but your daughter. The conversation will always start like”oh! GEEK you are so grown up, how are your studies going”

GEEK: Fine aunty (not even having a clue what I am actually studying).

Aunty: Your college is nearby our house but you never drop by..

Geek: sure aunty will come sometime(as if I am really coming).

Aunty: (smile)

Geek: (smiles awkwardly).

Both smile continues.

Geek.(why do not you tell me to move the fuck away).

Uncles and aunties always have this fascination towards my pay package that they start offering marriage proposals. My fellow geeks believe me or not whether you are able to score a chick yourself but you will be a Rockstar in arranged marriages.

There is much more to tell you fellas about me..err.. us.. wait for the next post.