If Cricketers were Politicians

In these modern times every group or Organisation has its own politics. As one wise man once quoted,"Politics is everywhere. It’s in your shirt, it’s in your pants. It’s everywhere.". Sometimes I wonder What if our cricketers were full time politicians what role will they play. Below is my list with the reasons.

Sachin Tendulkar & Atal Bihari Vajpayee

The One Man Army, Once the whole Team/Party used to depend on the man.
This is the man who everybody respects, be it Teammates/Partymen, opposition or Mango people.

Saurav Ganguly & L K Advani

He was a bit aggressive and ambitious. He Played a key role in the team with the other senior. Together they made team/party stronger to such extent that it was considered one of the strongest teams/party in the world/country.
He was always hungry for win and wanted more control but later with new leadership lost all this charm, finally gave up and retired.

Mahendra Singh Dhoni & Narendra Modi

Calm, composed and tactical. Steered the team/party though most amazing wins. He has both great lovers and haters. He has been in many controversies but he somehow manages to get wins for the team/party. He knows what to speak when. Everybody is interested in his personal life but he somehow manages to keep it private.

Mohammad Azahruddin & Lalu Prasad Yadav

He was a great leader once but his thirst for excessive money made him indulge in Scams. He started appearing more in courts than in field/parliament.

Yuvraj Singh and Shiela Dixit

He/She ruled Cricket/Politics for quite a long time. There was a time when he/she was considered one of the best players/leader in the team/party. But one thing led to another and he/she somehow vanished from the scene. But he/she still plays and is involved with cricket/politics. May be if team/party declined he/she will be brought back in team/party.

Virat Kohli & Arvind Kejriwal

Love him or hate him but you just can’t ignore him. He is always in news. Does something everyday. He just simply doesn't keep calm. A demanding person who is becoming a youth icon. He bagged a lot of success in so less time and at this point he is believed to have really bright future.

Ravindra Jadeja & Rahul Gandhi

Nobody knows what his exact talent is but he is there in the team/party for quite long. He is unintentionally the most funny man in the team/party.

Ashish Nehra & Kiran Bedi

He/She was taken in team/party to provide an edge but seems like he/she did own goal and not just one. Nobody is more scared of him/her than his own team/party mates. He/She has been given more preference for no apparent reason. But he/she besides his/her good intentions Fucked his/her own team/party. Some people say he/she was always playing for the rival team/party.

Rahul Dravid & A P J Abdul Kalam

Highly talented. Loved and respected by all.

Gautam Gambhir & Raj Thakery

He is fire. His anger can burn you. A true example of HOT HEAD. Aggressive leader. He may not be performing well but he can't be ignored.

Please add your views to extend/enhance this list further.

Corporate Giants decide to use Facebook check-ins to verify LTA claims

Increasing number of travel bill frauds has compelled companies to use Facebook and twitter check-ins of their Employees to verify if they had actually traveled in their PTO. This new method was first used by Kamal industries when they found out the bills provided by one of their employee were fake. According to the bills and documents, the employee was supposed to be at Goa and his bill included boat casinos, but the shocking fact was that he had a Facebook check in of Vrindavan temple along with a photograph with his parents. The company’s CEO Mr. Arvind Fenkriwal commented that they do not support such culture and the situation demands a strict action.

Under the new policy imposed by Kamal industries, Employees are required to have a photograph check in of every bill they produce. This resulted in Facebook getting flooded with pictures of Honeymoon suites and skanky Bars.

Congress not so wise president Mr. Rahul Dandhi, in a lunch interview also condemn this particular case. While having his “Maa ke haath ka desi khana” Pizza, he said the people should not be blamed for such sort of act. It is the structure and the framework which is responsible for such kind of frauds. Women empowerment can stop such frauds. If women of Goa were really empowered, an Engineer could never go to Vrindavan. He also supports FART-I, Facebook Accessible Right to Information. He says Employers should know every check in of their Employees, this way woman will be empowered and Secularism could be achieved.

Mr. Arvind Fenkriwal is also indicating if this policy prove to be successful, they will impose same thing in medical bills. In which an Employee has to post a picture while being Admitted/Operated to claim bills for the same. 

Employees in Kamal Industries are wearing Topis these days. They say it is breach in their privacy. As a protest all engineers have stopped commenting their code and they are having only BLACK cigarette.Silent Google Hangouts had also been carried out to show the anger towards higher management. Mr. Jitendra Modi who is opposing the action stated,"This is a bug in our system and this should be rectified...Let's Hit the Bar,Ab ki baar Modi Sarkar".

Typical Bollywood Software Love Story PART-I

This is a story of male software application Leo. He was mature enough with machine learning. He met this female application Ewa while strolling on the internet. He was attracted to her UI. He was so obsessed with her that he couldn’t hibernate at night. He tried gathering data about her and thankfully he found out that they share a friend class module. He requested that module to introduce to Ewa. Soon they exchanged IP addresses and started sending remote procedure calls to each other.

The friend module suggested him not to be superficial,” You know how guys are like they just see a UI and go bonkers over it. If you want a real thing you should get to know her backend”.

They were like made for each other. They share so many variables and external services. They used to wonder why they never met before. Leo started triggering Ewa in the morning with a beautiful interrupt.

They started dating soon, Leo on his first date got Ewa a rare software update. Ewa was dumbstruck,” how did you know I wanted this for a long time” she said. “it’s my job to know what you want”, with a wink smiley he replied. They exchanged their data for so long, they almost got whole software specification of each other. Suddenly Leo stopped saying anything. He looked at her. She was so beautiful, carved with perfection. As if every style sheets she used was built with perfection. He even loved the error dialogs she was popping up. Ewa said,”I talk a lot… don’t I”. Leo smirked, “I can see you talking all day”. Ewa smiled, “that’s not beautiful, beautiful would be when you would stop me popping up my dialogs”. And that happened that first kiss they were longing for.

Soon they decided they want to merge their code. Leo wanted to go deep in Ewa’s call stack and leave his copy constructor but Ewa said no. If they are to produce a child process they have to get community acceptance, otherwise he/she will be of no value. It will be socially boycotted and will go in open source community where it will not be worth any respect. They used a firewall that night.  They decided to talk to their parent processes. But the biggest problem was their family rivalry. Leo’s full name was Leo Microsoft and Ewa was Ewa Apple. They knew it is not going to be easy but Leo’s friend Shantanu Unix said, “with love you can make everything”.

OFFICE TOILETS PART-1

Office toilet is not just a toilet, It is a Place where people of different teams, projects,languages and platforms meet and share their experiences. In geek world you can say that it is a place which is responsible for Unity in Diversity.

I don't have any idea about female toilets, No seriously I have never "accidentally" stepped into it. But for men it is place where you can see most satisfied faces. I think if somebody gets nirvana his expressions will be like this only.

If urinals don't have large separators Men have a rule, They will never pee standing next to a bro having time of his hour or two. For those who do and specially look into eyes of fellow man and smile, you are the biggest creep ever. Don't do it, if you are not giving an invitation. Some men see wall while peeing as if they are lost in all their worries and are about to drain it out. Some other just concentrate on their thing as if they are talking to it"Dude you weren't that good yesterday, Perform better today". There is a guy who always spits while peeing, I think he is not satisfied with his thing or his wife/GF is not, that is the epitome of self Loathing.

Men Bitch Yes they do! especially about their bosses, and they do that in toilets. That's a rookie mistake, never do that! You have no idea who is taking a dump inside. It can be a Kissass or the Almighty himself.

But there are some interesting questions which people ask in toilets,  have compiled a list of what people might think and what they reply:

Q: BHABHI Kaisi hai ?
T: "Fuck you! What makes you think of my wife when you are peeing? you asshole. I will kick you in your balls. I saw you in last company outing, How you were looking at us. You Geek Shakti Kapoor. I know how tharki you are. Saath me ladkiya taadi hai(we used to check out girls together) Teri shaadi hone de BC(you get married SisterFucker),there will be an eye for an eye then."
A: Good Good!.

Q: So How is your build going? (Tester to Developer)
T: AA gya phir! I told this MC yesterday that it will take time. NO DANDA to dena hai. I hope he dies virgin. Build bana ke Mooh me dalunga iske jaldi(I'll make the build and shove it up his mouth).
A: Soon it will be with you buddy! BHABHI Kaisi hai?

Q: Have you seen that show, Game of Thrones?
T: Saala sar uthane ka time nahi hai ! he wants me to see the show. Seems Like this Fucker has no work. All he does is see those god damn shows, Jisme! all you can see is somebody screwing someone else and all he learns from that applies here. Why doesn't he just write the fucking code with comments, if he does I will have enough time to even MAKE that GOT.
A: No yaar! So How is your build going?


To Be Continued.. (need to pee more)


Disclaimer: This Post is not done by the owner of this blog, This account has been hacked by a infosys Employee who is just writing it out for the sake of Bakar, My name is Shaktimaan. This is all fictitious(or may be not).

Geek in a wedding

I am… I am a geek and I am bad at social dealings. I am shy, overweight and awkwardly funny person i.e. a stereotyped geek. If somebody would ask me what I would do for fun if I had all the money in the world, I would say nothing, probably lie in bed and listen to Pink Floyd. I think that would be all to describe me THE GEEK. I am not very fond of weddings and other social functions but I am forced to attend them anyway. So I would like to share my experiences with you.  

I go to weddings for just two things, “candies” for my stomach and eyes. Both these things have a lot of difference. Exploit the real candy as you want i.e. see it, smell it and eat it, BUT eye candies should be cautiously judged to prevent some severe heart attack for two reasons:
1. You don’t know what ‘thing’ she would look like when she puts her makeup down (heart attack by shock). Statistically saying the amount of makeup paint spent by all the girls for a single wedding (if combined) can easily paint my room. Well to conclude sometimes it is good to live in a lie as it is said, “Ignorance is bliss”. (I know after making this point my chances of getting a girlfriend may abate that’s why the identity of geek is kept secret).

2. You do not know by what relation she could become your sister and you will be forced to call her DIDI.

Food is the ultimate fascination for me in these parties, everything else is mostly useless (including face painted girls). I have this strategy to at least cover all the food items before leaving. I start with snacks and have at least one piece of everything, for chaat and main course I always have a company with me so that I can save the space for dessert. For desserts I need no one. I am a sugar freak. Sometimes I think my ideal death would be by diabetes or high cholesterol level.  

I must say it was really hard to go to weddings before I got placed because placement was the second thing people used to ask (after my year). It used to pinch me inside. Now when I am placed I can always throw the JOB card to turn things my way. Anyway, parents will never stop making us meet their friends. “Meet my son GEEK, he is placed in GEEKish company (with pride)”. Then starts the awkward conversation and believe me it is one of the most difficult task to get away from the aunties. They just do not leave you even if you both have nothing to talk about. You just want to say, sorry I am not interested in you but your daughter. The conversation will always start like”oh! GEEK you are so grown up, how are your studies going”

GEEK: Fine aunty (not even having a clue what I am actually studying).

Aunty: Your college is nearby our house but you never drop by..

Geek: sure aunty will come sometime(as if I am really coming).

Aunty: (smile)

Geek: (smiles awkwardly).

Both smile continues.

Geek.(why do not you tell me to move the fuck away).

Uncles and aunties always have this fascination towards my pay package that they start offering marriage proposals. My fellow geeks believe me or not whether you are able to score a chick yourself but you will be a Rockstar in arranged marriages.

There is much more to tell you fellas about me..err.. us.. wait for the next post.

A nighty Interview with SUNNY LEONE

Hello, Sunny!! How are you and did you like India?

Sunny: Hi I am good and I belong to Indian ethnicity so it feels great to be back. In fact all my friends and 'colleagues' like India and they have asked me to bring some ‘books’ so that we can learn and be better at our profession.

How was your experience with people in big boss and other males you met here?

Sunny: Frankly speaking i had heard that I was quite famous among Indian men, but when i got here the scene was completely different. In big boss too every male was asking my name and my profession as if they do not know me.
I think that folks in India are quite decent, conservative and innocent. They do not see the movies i act in.

So sunny why did you choose to ACT in movies?

Well, I would not say It was my parents’ dream to see me as a STAR, as a typical Indian family my daddy wanted me to become a doctor and my mother wanted me to become a teacher. Even i joined a medical college but i never felt passion for it. I saw a Hindi movie 3 idiots. Hero said "WO kaam karo jisme maza aata ho phir kaam kaam nhi khel hoga" and I found one thing i really enjoyed so I pursued higher degree of excellence in it and here i am.

Sunny!! We have heard that you are married already? So your partner never had any problem with you 'working'?
Sunny:- No he has been quite supportive, even everyday sorry every night he helps me in my rehearsals and helps me to enhance my output....

What was the biggest resistance in your career?
Sunny: Well initially I was not able to get EXPOSURE but then I made CONNECTIONS with right people who let me expose my talent.

We have heard that Mr. Bhatt wants to sign you for his new movie.. What is your opinion on that?
Sunny: Frankly speaking I do not like to work in that movie as my agent has told me that there are some inappropriate intimate scenes in the movie, which I am not sure about, as I am a very shy person.

So, Sunny anything you would like to say to our Indian people specially Engineers or geeks who are your biggest fan?
Sunny: Thank you for your support and LOVE, believe me that I will keep LOVING you (virtually) but please  do not engage into piracy, you know people like me put away lots of HARD WORK to make some creative stuff please respect that and buy my movie from my website.

So thanks Sunny for being with us it was nice talking to you…

P.S. this interview is not real and is created for fun so in case SUNNY mam or your lawyers read it, it was my pleasure that you read my blog. Seriously mam!! BIG FAN..

:P

Placement Obsessions

sabun ki shakal mein beta tu to nikla kewal jhaaaaaag Bhaag bhaag dk bose dk bose dk .(ringtone)..

Chaman: Hello! what's up.
Gubal: hello, chaman pahji.How is lifee that (a) side? (pinglish=punjabi+english).
chaman: nothing yaar, was just sleeping.
gubal:(Disappointed) We just had a mock GD about what could be the possible reasons you were not picking up the phone.
Chaman: what was the conclusion?
gubal. nothing yaar, leave it. By the way muttal and saikick are now fighting.
chaman: why?
gubal: because muttal thinks that saikick doesn't let him speak and if he is doing it now, you can imagine how he will be during the placements.
chaman: damn, saikick is such a............ moronic hypocritical and backstabbing person(see ignoring abuses as companies don,t tolerate it). Poor muttal.
gubal: muttal is also not bathed from milk, you don't know the complete story.
chaman: anyways, seniors said that friends sometimes even fight, out of jealousy during this time.... anyways why we are talking in English?
gubal: forgot ? You said it will be beneficial for us.
Chaman: oh haan. err yes yes... btw whats Ajis doing?
gubal: Chilling as always...He is broad(chaud hai uski:P ). He sleeps whole 8 hours and He has just read 1 book for C/C++ 1 for algo and 1 for DS.
Chaman: oh my god! I have heard he has a lot of money already. He will open his business, why become someone's BIT..... slave. I think he knows a lot about it and he can easily crack any non tech. After all he is chair person of the best society. BTW yaar! what was your status in your society.
Gubal: nothing!! i am duped by those sons of ...........mothers. You really don't know what i really did for the society.
I was the one who took the responsibility for shifting chairs.
I was the one who taught the juniors how to lift and place chairs properly.
I was the one who really came out with the idea that we should use folding chairs.
I was the one who planned and distributed chairs in various teams.
Brother! you don't even know, they even burdened me with responsibility of Tables in the third year.
and When i asked a post for CHAIRperson they said i have not done enough.
I don't want to say something behind Ajis's back but he never took those responsibilities. I now feel like all those EFFORTS and EXPERIENCES went in vain... may be there is something more needed to become "CHAIRPERSON".
There were many sh....weet posts that were being created, they offered me infrastructure head, but why should i become something i haven't done? why should I not have what I truly deserve.
chaman: don't worry! there will be always a place for your experiences.
gubal: yes yes!! I think I should start a new society. There will be no way someone would stop me from that Chair Person and being a founder member is more impressive then “chairperson”_|_.
Chaman: Good dude! I knew you were a visionary.. All the best yaar… I gotta go. I have to read my DS book 6th time otherwise I’ll forget. Take care.

P.S. All characters are fictional… :P