Geek in a wedding

I am… I am a geek and I am bad at social dealings. I am shy, overweight and awkwardly funny person i.e. a stereotyped geek. If somebody would ask me what I would do for fun if I had all the money in the world, I would say nothing, probably lie in bed and listen to Pink Floyd. I think that would be all to describe me THE GEEK. I am not very fond of weddings and other social functions but I am forced to attend them anyway. So I would like to share my experiences with you.  

I go to weddings for just two things, “candies” for my stomach and eyes. Both these things have a lot of difference. Exploit the real candy as you want i.e. see it, smell it and eat it, BUT eye candies should be cautiously judged to prevent some severe heart attack for two reasons:
1. You don’t know what ‘thing’ she would look like when she puts her makeup down (heart attack by shock). Statistically saying the amount of makeup paint spent by all the girls for a single wedding (if combined) can easily paint my room. Well to conclude sometimes it is good to live in a lie as it is said, “Ignorance is bliss”. (I know after making this point my chances of getting a girlfriend may abate that’s why the identity of geek is kept secret).

2. You do not know by what relation she could become your sister and you will be forced to call her DIDI.

Food is the ultimate fascination for me in these parties, everything else is mostly useless (including face painted girls). I have this strategy to at least cover all the food items before leaving. I start with snacks and have at least one piece of everything, for chaat and main course I always have a company with me so that I can save the space for dessert. For desserts I need no one. I am a sugar freak. Sometimes I think my ideal death would be by diabetes or high cholesterol level.  

I must say it was really hard to go to weddings before I got placed because placement was the second thing people used to ask (after my year). It used to pinch me inside. Now when I am placed I can always throw the JOB card to turn things my way. Anyway, parents will never stop making us meet their friends. “Meet my son GEEK, he is placed in GEEKish company (with pride)”. Then starts the awkward conversation and believe me it is one of the most difficult task to get away from the aunties. They just do not leave you even if you both have nothing to talk about. You just want to say, sorry I am not interested in you but your daughter. The conversation will always start like”oh! GEEK you are so grown up, how are your studies going”

GEEK: Fine aunty (not even having a clue what I am actually studying).

Aunty: Your college is nearby our house but you never drop by..

Geek: sure aunty will come sometime(as if I am really coming).

Aunty: (smile)

Geek: (smiles awkwardly).

Both smile continues.

Geek.(why do not you tell me to move the fuck away).

Uncles and aunties always have this fascination towards my pay package that they start offering marriage proposals. My fellow geeks believe me or not whether you are able to score a chick yourself but you will be a Rockstar in arranged marriages.

There is much more to tell you fellas about me..err.. us.. wait for the next post.

A nighty Interview with SUNNY LEONE

Hello, Sunny!! How are you and did you like India?

Sunny: Hi I am good and I belong to Indian ethnicity so it feels great to be back. In fact all my friends and 'colleagues' like India and they have asked me to bring some ‘books’ so that we can learn and be better at our profession.

How was your experience with people in big boss and other males you met here?

Sunny: Frankly speaking i had heard that I was quite famous among Indian men, but when i got here the scene was completely different. In big boss too every male was asking my name and my profession as if they do not know me.
I think that folks in India are quite decent, conservative and innocent. They do not see the movies i act in.

So sunny why did you choose to ACT in movies?

Well, I would not say It was my parents’ dream to see me as a STAR, as a typical Indian family my daddy wanted me to become a doctor and my mother wanted me to become a teacher. Even i joined a medical college but i never felt passion for it. I saw a Hindi movie 3 idiots. Hero said "WO kaam karo jisme maza aata ho phir kaam kaam nhi khel hoga" and I found one thing i really enjoyed so I pursued higher degree of excellence in it and here i am.

Sunny!! We have heard that you are married already? So your partner never had any problem with you 'working'?
Sunny:- No he has been quite supportive, even everyday sorry every night he helps me in my rehearsals and helps me to enhance my output....

What was the biggest resistance in your career?
Sunny: Well initially I was not able to get EXPOSURE but then I made CONNECTIONS with right people who let me expose my talent.

We have heard that Mr. Bhatt wants to sign you for his new movie.. What is your opinion on that?
Sunny: Frankly speaking I do not like to work in that movie as my agent has told me that there are some inappropriate intimate scenes in the movie, which I am not sure about, as I am a very shy person.

So, Sunny anything you would like to say to our Indian people specially Engineers or geeks who are your biggest fan?
Sunny: Thank you for your support and LOVE, believe me that I will keep LOVING you (virtually) but please  do not engage into piracy, you know people like me put away lots of HARD WORK to make some creative stuff please respect that and buy my movie from my website.

So thanks Sunny for being with us it was nice talking to you…

P.S. this interview is not real and is created for fun so in case SUNNY mam or your lawyers read it, it was my pleasure that you read my blog. Seriously mam!! BIG FAN..

:P

Placement Obsessions

sabun ki shakal mein beta tu to nikla kewal jhaaaaaag Bhaag bhaag dk bose dk bose dk .(ringtone)..

Chaman: Hello! what's up.
Gubal: hello, chaman pahji.How is lifee that (a) side? (pinglish=punjabi+english).
chaman: nothing yaar, was just sleeping.
gubal:(Disappointed) We just had a mock GD about what could be the possible reasons you were not picking up the phone.
Chaman: what was the conclusion?
gubal. nothing yaar, leave it. By the way muttal and saikick are now fighting.
chaman: why?
gubal: because muttal thinks that saikick doesn't let him speak and if he is doing it now, you can imagine how he will be during the placements.
chaman: damn, saikick is such a............ moronic hypocritical and backstabbing person(see ignoring abuses as companies don,t tolerate it). Poor muttal.
gubal: muttal is also not bathed from milk, you don't know the complete story.
chaman: anyways, seniors said that friends sometimes even fight, out of jealousy during this time.... anyways why we are talking in English?
gubal: forgot ? You said it will be beneficial for us.
Chaman: oh haan. err yes yes... btw whats Ajis doing?
gubal: Chilling as always...He is broad(chaud hai uski:P ). He sleeps whole 8 hours and He has just read 1 book for C/C++ 1 for algo and 1 for DS.
Chaman: oh my god! I have heard he has a lot of money already. He will open his business, why become someone's BIT..... slave. I think he knows a lot about it and he can easily crack any non tech. After all he is chair person of the best society. BTW yaar! what was your status in your society.
Gubal: nothing!! i am duped by those sons of ...........mothers. You really don't know what i really did for the society.
I was the one who took the responsibility for shifting chairs.
I was the one who taught the juniors how to lift and place chairs properly.
I was the one who really came out with the idea that we should use folding chairs.
I was the one who planned and distributed chairs in various teams.
Brother! you don't even know, they even burdened me with responsibility of Tables in the third year.
and When i asked a post for CHAIRperson they said i have not done enough.
I don't want to say something behind Ajis's back but he never took those responsibilities. I now feel like all those EFFORTS and EXPERIENCES went in vain... may be there is something more needed to become "CHAIRPERSON".
There were many sh....weet posts that were being created, they offered me infrastructure head, but why should i become something i haven't done? why should I not have what I truly deserve.
chaman: don't worry! there will be always a place for your experiences.
gubal: yes yes!! I think I should start a new society. There will be no way someone would stop me from that Chair Person and being a founder member is more impressive then “chairperson”_|_.
Chaman: Good dude! I knew you were a visionary.. All the best yaar… I gotta go. I have to read my DS book 6th time otherwise I’ll forget. Take care.

P.S. All characters are fictional… :P

EK AMAR RUBAL KATHA

P.s. All characters in story may be real but the story is entirely fictitious and is not intended to hurt anyone.. thanks @saikat @rubal @vaibhav @shantanu @mittal for being a part of this..

Truth or Lie

Truth or Lie…. The question is just wobbling in my mind for past few months. I have been an “AVID” liar. Thoughout my life I have surpassed every problem or trouble with a lie and the problems caused by that lies also by a lie (of higher degree). Now I really want to walk on the path of truth on which thousands of great men have passed (and most of them got a miserable ending).
You see I am divided in two personas one that is truthful and other that has always been a good liar. They always keep on fighting over this issue.

Truth- Say me, Don’t say lie.

Lie- Why not?

Truth -Because it’s a lie.

lie- (mimicking because it’s a lie)…too conservative thinking...wow that’s a nice reason..

Truth- yes!! Say the truth its good.

lie- I never get this idea why people want truth and invite Mr. Trouble when you can easily lie and escape and for your kind information even GOD KRISHNA said GOOD or BAD is just perception.
Not to forget KRISHNA had girls you can’t even count while SATYAWADI Harish Chandra lost his single wife.

Truth- When you speak truth it makes you fearless and you can stand in front of anyone, dart into their eyes and speak. Truth makes you fearless.

Lie- “Darr sabko lagta hai, Gala sabka sukhta hai par darr ke aage jeet hai.”

Truth- It gives you a sense of pride. People love truthful people. People often forgive just because you said truth.

Lie- looks like you are reading philosophy now a days. BE PRACTICAL. Go late in class and tell professor that you are late because you were with a girl or sleeping and you don’t give a rat’s ass about his lecture. Do you really think that he will give you attendance? Smoke a cigarette go home and tell your parents that you did it and actually enjoyed.

Truth: Excuses..hmph!!

lie- Don’t get me start over excuses. It is nothing but a fancy name for lie which you truthful people have coined. Actually I think these truthful people are the biggest liars. They don’t even have the pinch of honesty in accepting the face that they lied. They are even being untruthful to their soul.

Truth- THERE YOU ARE. UNTRUTHFUL TO SOUL. You accepted it is not nice to say lie (to your soul). Now you have just counterattacked yourself.

lie- oops !!

Truth- yes it is true(which is good) that we all lie at some point or another so it is good to accept to atleast to yourself you do. But always make a note about whom you are lying to. The one who quite understands you will always forgive the blunders you have done and if they can’t they don’t deserve to be in your life. Moreover even if they can’t forgive they will still not stop loving you.
I think that’s why women always want their men to follow this policy-
“STOP LYING TO GIRL YOU ARE LYING WITH”

To be honest yes lying is good when it is spoken for happiness of the people you love.

Lie- Yes speak lie for happiness of people you love. BTW have you heard? “YOU CANT LOVE ANYONE IF YOU CANT LOVE YOURSELF” ;)

TRUTH- you are an asshole.

LIE- LIAR :P

Mere Sapno ki Rani

Next month I am going to be TWENTY. So I thought now the time has come to take my life more seriously and think about my future. Future, hmmmm in 5-6 years from now I have to find someone who will be compatible with me and will satisfy all my needs. Yes needs and I am being calculative about my future girl. It is a myth,”when there is love you need nothing else”. I think it was quoted by some gay and by the way Gays also have needs. So to start with the list…

A cool Delhite or a Small town Girl : I am born in Delhi and raised here. If I will pick a Delhi girl she will be a good companion. She would be more confident, less whiner, good to talk with and I assume she will be more adventurous ;). BUT she could also be the “experienced” one and I would hate it. Yeah she may have flirted with thousands of guys, went out with some other and her past stories may make me feel like acid in my ass. Whereas a Small town Girl will be an easy maintenance and would be more caring BUT she would never understand when I will really need a friend.
To conclude a Delhite will be preferable because I may be a better understanding person in next 5 years and I may also have some past (in future). So I will manage but yes there is another way to have a beautiful low maintenance Small town girl at home and have some good friends outside (not to be confused with extra marital affairs).

A truthful and Understanding girl: The top priority need is that she should understand about the lies I will tell her. She should really understand that we cannot live without lies and there is no person in the world who doesn’t lie, even the girls who say that they never lie are lying while narrating that very statement. Oh common how many Girls tell their parents about their boyfriends?

A Sweet Smile: In looks I have only one requirement that she should have a sweet smile(unless she is hot) and dimples would be preferable. She must not be much taller than me so that my ego doesn’t get hurt and I don’t care about how she smells (I am not literally a Dog).

Now Some brief Mandatory needs.

She Should not like Twilight and Edward Cullen.

She should have at least 3 best friends (who should be less good looking than her so that I can be in my limits).

She should not use Dear in every line.

She should not be overly sweet (then she will look fake).

She should not tag me in her Stupid Facebook post regarding how much she loves me.

She should laugh at my every joke.

She should not be Blonde(mentally).

She Should not be too much intelligent too: She will become hard to handle.

She should have patience to Listen to me.

MATAR CHEELNI AATI HOO :P

She should call her dog a DOG not baby.

She should call me by my name not "my sweetu pumpkin" or "My Baby".

P.S. She should be all the above UNLESS SHE IS HOT.

Some deep and some "Deep" thoughts

1. An eye for an eye, a hand for a hand, a heart for a heart and "so on"... makes the world gay.

2. Once a person challenged barney stinson that you cannot 'do' with a guy and he said, "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

3. When we want peace of mind we give somebody our piece of mind- Law of conservation of anger.

4. Never fall in love with a doctor...coz they can literally steal your heart.

5. It never matters what people think of you .. what matters is what you think of yourself ...... that is self respect...
* I always keep these words in mind after an unsuccessful interview.

6. If someone says you FUCK OFF ...u say the worst swear words.... "may u remain virgin throughout Ur life" :angel:

7. Either girls should not wear t shirts with funny quotes or should not give us disgusting looks when we are actually reading them

8. Q How the first surgeon came into existence ??
A- a person read somewhere "beauty is inside" and he took it literally..

9. Someone said make a girl smile and you can make her do anything.....I over tried and made her laugh, and the irony is now she thinks I am a joker.

10. In this world either you can love somebody or have a girlfriend.

11. One thing common about wit and shit....both comes from inside after a lot of processing

12. There is no remedy for love than to love more someone else

13. Wife:- Do you know why and for whom taj mahal was made(expecting a romantic answer)?
Husband:- Some guy made that to announce to all girls that his wife is dead and he is wealthy.

14. When a girl does something dumb or stupid thing ..its ok.....
but when a guy does that believe me he is in love

15. YES I admit I still love you the difference is just that now you are not the only one

16. Behind and beneath every heartless bastard there is a girl.. :-/ ... (though they are different)

17. A joker is the most generous person in this world who even make people laugh on tragedies of his life.

18. Soul gets raped once then it becomes slutty.

19. A perfect love triangle is not possible until and unless one of the involved person is gay.

20. Don’t you just hate it when the person you really like looks amazingly good
because that time you know every fucking eye is watching them.

21. It is much more difficult and satisfying to make someone smile then to make someone laugh.

22. Life can become much more enjoyable when we realize the difference between what we want, what we need and what we deserve.

23. Why in love people say "I" love "YOU".... when actually in love "YOU: comes before "I".

24. Sometimes it is nice to mix your personal and professional life, at least you get to know who will stand with you in any sphere of life.

25. The saddest thing in life is not when everything falls apart
it is when you know everything is going to, and you have to watch it happen helplessly.