OFFICE TOILETS PART-1

Office toilet is not just a toilet, It is a Place where people of different teams, projects,languages and platforms meet and share their experiences. In geek world you can say that it is a place which is responsible for Unity in Diversity.

I don't have any idea about female toilets, No seriously I have never "accidentally" stepped into it. But for men it is place where you can see most satisfied faces. I think if somebody gets nirvana his expressions will be like this only.

If urinals don't have large separators Men have a rule, They will never pee standing next to a bro having time of his hour or two. For those who do and specially look into eyes of fellow man and smile, you are the biggest creep ever. Don't do it, if you are not giving an invitation. Some men see wall while peeing as if they are lost in all their worries and are about to drain it out. Some other just concentrate on their thing as if they are talking to it"Dude you weren't that good yesterday, Perform better today". There is a guy who always spits while peeing, I think he is not satisfied with his thing or his wife/GF is not, that is the epitome of self Loathing.

Men Bitch Yes they do! especially about their bosses, and they do that in toilets. That's a rookie mistake, never do that! You have no idea who is taking a dump inside. It can be a Kissass or the Almighty himself.

But there are some interesting questions which people ask in toilets,  have compiled a list of what people might think and what they reply:

Q: BHABHI Kaisi hai ?
T: "Fuck you! What makes you think of my wife when you are peeing? you asshole. I will kick you in your balls. I saw you in last company outing, How you were looking at us. You Geek Shakti Kapoor. I know how tharki you are. Saath me ladkiya taadi hai(we used to check out girls together) Teri shaadi hone de BC(you get married SisterFucker),there will be an eye for an eye then."
A: Good Good!.

Q: So How is your build going? (Tester to Developer)
T: AA gya phir! I told this MC yesterday that it will take time. NO DANDA to dena hai. I hope he dies virgin. Build bana ke Mooh me dalunga iske jaldi(I'll make the build and shove it up his mouth).
A: Soon it will be with you buddy! BHABHI Kaisi hai?

Q: Have you seen that show, Game of Thrones?
T: Saala sar uthane ka time nahi hai ! he wants me to see the show. Seems Like this Fucker has no work. All he does is see those god damn shows, Jisme! all you can see is somebody screwing someone else and all he learns from that applies here. Why doesn't he just write the fucking code with comments, if he does I will have enough time to even MAKE that GOT.
A: No yaar! So How is your build going?


To Be Continued.. (need to pee more)


Disclaimer: This Post is not done by the owner of this blog, This account has been hacked by a infosys Employee who is just writing it out for the sake of Bakar, My name is Shaktimaan. This is all fictitious(or may be not).

A nighty Interview with SUNNY LEONE

Hello, Sunny!! How are you and did you like India?

Sunny: Hi I am good and I belong to Indian ethnicity so it feels great to be back. In fact all my friends and 'colleagues' like India and they have asked me to bring some ‘books’ so that we can learn and be better at our profession.

How was your experience with people in big boss and other males you met here?

Sunny: Frankly speaking i had heard that I was quite famous among Indian men, but when i got here the scene was completely different. In big boss too every male was asking my name and my profession as if they do not know me.
I think that folks in India are quite decent, conservative and innocent. They do not see the movies i act in.

So sunny why did you choose to ACT in movies?

Well, I would not say It was my parents’ dream to see me as a STAR, as a typical Indian family my daddy wanted me to become a doctor and my mother wanted me to become a teacher. Even i joined a medical college but i never felt passion for it. I saw a Hindi movie 3 idiots. Hero said "WO kaam karo jisme maza aata ho phir kaam kaam nhi khel hoga" and I found one thing i really enjoyed so I pursued higher degree of excellence in it and here i am.

Sunny!! We have heard that you are married already? So your partner never had any problem with you 'working'?
Sunny:- No he has been quite supportive, even everyday sorry every night he helps me in my rehearsals and helps me to enhance my output....

What was the biggest resistance in your career?
Sunny: Well initially I was not able to get EXPOSURE but then I made CONNECTIONS with right people who let me expose my talent.

We have heard that Mr. Bhatt wants to sign you for his new movie.. What is your opinion on that?
Sunny: Frankly speaking I do not like to work in that movie as my agent has told me that there are some inappropriate intimate scenes in the movie, which I am not sure about, as I am a very shy person.

So, Sunny anything you would like to say to our Indian people specially Engineers or geeks who are your biggest fan?
Sunny: Thank you for your support and LOVE, believe me that I will keep LOVING you (virtually) but please  do not engage into piracy, you know people like me put away lots of HARD WORK to make some creative stuff please respect that and buy my movie from my website.

So thanks Sunny for being with us it was nice talking to you…

P.S. this interview is not real and is created for fun so in case SUNNY mam or your lawyers read it, it was my pleasure that you read my blog. Seriously mam!! BIG FAN..

:P

Placement Obsessions

sabun ki shakal mein beta tu to nikla kewal jhaaaaaag Bhaag bhaag dk bose dk bose dk .(ringtone)..

Chaman: Hello! what's up.
Gubal: hello, chaman pahji.How is lifee that (a) side? (pinglish=punjabi+english).
chaman: nothing yaar, was just sleeping.
gubal:(Disappointed) We just had a mock GD about what could be the possible reasons you were not picking up the phone.
Chaman: what was the conclusion?
gubal. nothing yaar, leave it. By the way muttal and saikick are now fighting.
chaman: why?
gubal: because muttal thinks that saikick doesn't let him speak and if he is doing it now, you can imagine how he will be during the placements.
chaman: damn, saikick is such a............ moronic hypocritical and backstabbing person(see ignoring abuses as companies don,t tolerate it). Poor muttal.
gubal: muttal is also not bathed from milk, you don't know the complete story.
chaman: anyways, seniors said that friends sometimes even fight, out of jealousy during this time.... anyways why we are talking in English?
gubal: forgot ? You said it will be beneficial for us.
Chaman: oh haan. err yes yes... btw whats Ajis doing?
gubal: Chilling as always...He is broad(chaud hai uski:P ). He sleeps whole 8 hours and He has just read 1 book for C/C++ 1 for algo and 1 for DS.
Chaman: oh my god! I have heard he has a lot of money already. He will open his business, why become someone's BIT..... slave. I think he knows a lot about it and he can easily crack any non tech. After all he is chair person of the best society. BTW yaar! what was your status in your society.
Gubal: nothing!! i am duped by those sons of ...........mothers. You really don't know what i really did for the society.
I was the one who took the responsibility for shifting chairs.
I was the one who taught the juniors how to lift and place chairs properly.
I was the one who really came out with the idea that we should use folding chairs.
I was the one who planned and distributed chairs in various teams.
Brother! you don't even know, they even burdened me with responsibility of Tables in the third year.
and When i asked a post for CHAIRperson they said i have not done enough.
I don't want to say something behind Ajis's back but he never took those responsibilities. I now feel like all those EFFORTS and EXPERIENCES went in vain... may be there is something more needed to become "CHAIRPERSON".
There were many sh....weet posts that were being created, they offered me infrastructure head, but why should i become something i haven't done? why should I not have what I truly deserve.
chaman: don't worry! there will be always a place for your experiences.
gubal: yes yes!! I think I should start a new society. There will be no way someone would stop me from that Chair Person and being a founder member is more impressive then “chairperson”_|_.
Chaman: Good dude! I knew you were a visionary.. All the best yaar… I gotta go. I have to read my DS book 6th time otherwise I’ll forget. Take care.

P.S. All characters are fictional… :P

Mere Sapno ki Rani

Next month I am going to be TWENTY. So I thought now the time has come to take my life more seriously and think about my future. Future, hmmmm in 5-6 years from now I have to find someone who will be compatible with me and will satisfy all my needs. Yes needs and I am being calculative about my future girl. It is a myth,”when there is love you need nothing else”. I think it was quoted by some gay and by the way Gays also have needs. So to start with the list…

A cool Delhite or a Small town Girl : I am born in Delhi and raised here. If I will pick a Delhi girl she will be a good companion. She would be more confident, less whiner, good to talk with and I assume she will be more adventurous ;). BUT she could also be the “experienced” one and I would hate it. Yeah she may have flirted with thousands of guys, went out with some other and her past stories may make me feel like acid in my ass. Whereas a Small town Girl will be an easy maintenance and would be more caring BUT she would never understand when I will really need a friend.
To conclude a Delhite will be preferable because I may be a better understanding person in next 5 years and I may also have some past (in future). So I will manage but yes there is another way to have a beautiful low maintenance Small town girl at home and have some good friends outside (not to be confused with extra marital affairs).

A truthful and Understanding girl: The top priority need is that she should understand about the lies I will tell her. She should really understand that we cannot live without lies and there is no person in the world who doesn’t lie, even the girls who say that they never lie are lying while narrating that very statement. Oh common how many Girls tell their parents about their boyfriends?

A Sweet Smile: In looks I have only one requirement that she should have a sweet smile(unless she is hot) and dimples would be preferable. She must not be much taller than me so that my ego doesn’t get hurt and I don’t care about how she smells (I am not literally a Dog).

Now Some brief Mandatory needs.

She Should not like Twilight and Edward Cullen.

She should have at least 3 best friends (who should be less good looking than her so that I can be in my limits).

She should not use Dear in every line.

She should not be overly sweet (then she will look fake).

She should not tag me in her Stupid Facebook post regarding how much she loves me.

She should laugh at my every joke.

She should not be Blonde(mentally).

She Should not be too much intelligent too: She will become hard to handle.

She should have patience to Listen to me.

MATAR CHEELNI AATI HOO :P

She should call her dog a DOG not baby.

She should call me by my name not "my sweetu pumpkin" or "My Baby".

P.S. She should be all the above UNLESS SHE IS HOT.

Yes, I Watch SAAS BAHU SERIALS

Yeah I have watched the SAAS BAHU SERIALS… why so amazed? Haven’t you? Oh! Then how come you say they are bad? Well the truth is majority of us had watched it at one point or another. It is our sacrifice for our true love i.e. MOTHER… I am a day scholar. I have dinner with my family. So I have watched them. In the beginning they were quite frustrating. I had several fights with my mother. I also decided better to ask my future bride to move in with her television and cable connection and best not to watch them at all. Now as I have to watch them anyway and my protest doesn’t matter to the women I fell in love at the first sight and I have lost any hope to be successful in future. I watch them. But my brain compiles them in pretty funny way. Some of the noticeable points are………..

1: They think that their actors have Rajnikant’s immortality.

2. The whole world is going to hurt the HEROINE of the serial but she is sooo dumb that she will not respond.

3. They want to set an idea in the brains of INDIAN women that the girls who wear minis are “RAHEES BAAP KI BIGDI AULAD”.

4. Alcohol means venom.

5. The HEROINE is always a bit chubby, round face, appears dumb and who drinks a lot of water….. (Weeping causes dehydration).

6. The Vamp is extremely hot, a good face cut, a really attractive women….. (May be they want women to be jealous and Start hating that “BITCH” anyway).

7. I will never get their point of speaking what they think. I mean I never speak what thought is going on in my mind. “Hmmm I should really finish this up because I have to pee…”

8. Even after 20 years the technology remains same :-/.

9. How they reach at the door side whenever someone is talking something of their meaning?....

10. How come they never watch SHITTY SERIALS themselves in their home.

11. Do men at their home have no work… why they keep on talking like women?

12. No matter for how long the women was in home she turns out to be a LAWER if her husband is mistook as a murderer, a DOCTOR if the husband had an accident and no specialist in world practicing for years can cure him, can use a revolver to kill someone that too without facing the recoil jerk.

13. Whenever their HEROINE loses her memory she finds herself in an ASHRAM with some GURU taking care of her…. Why in the world she never meets any sex dealer who unluckily in real life decides the fate of such tragic cases.

ABOVE all these there are dialogues:
- Mera beta MBA karke aaya hai!! – AUNTY!! Did he ever tell you which college?.. I guess it was better than IIM A.....

- Tujh jaisi sundar sushil aur gunwan aur bholi ladki hi meri bahu banegi- Aunty !! if she had so many qualities.. How come she is not commited yet ?

- Rishta vohi sooch nayi? – I could’t get this line…

LAST but not the least

-main tumhare bacchae ki maa banne wali hun.: are you sure… ?
theGIRL: (after putting pressure to her brain): most probably yes it is yours….